


Sorrow and Solace

by LittensTinyMittens (Onasariel)



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Balinor Lives (Merlin), Evil Uther Pendragon (Merlin), F/M, Father-Son Relationship, Good Morgana (Merlin), Imprisonment, Long Lost/Secret Relatives, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Reunions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2020-04-05 22:25:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19049671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onasariel/pseuds/LittensTinyMittens
Summary: Canon Au - Balinor was arrested in Ealdor, and taken back to Camelot. Instead of executing him, he is locked up deep inside the caves under Camelot.18 years later, Merlin shows up. Instead of letting him continue with his destiny, however, Kilgharrah tells him to 'find Balinor'. Merlin has no idea what this means until he overhears Uther telling Gaius to prepare some supplies for him to 'take down to Balinor'. Merlin follows Uther, and discovers that there is indeed someone under the castle.  Unaware of how they are related and hoping for some new company in his dark, lonely cell, Balinor becomes Merlin's mentor, and destiny begins to change its course.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> So instead of writing the AU's I have, I'm making new AU's. However, this one I have a very solid idea of an outline so I'm very excited! I do hope you enjoy!

Balinor licked his dry, chapped lips as Camelot came into sight. The spires that once brought him joy now only brought dread. He had little doubt that death awaited him once he arrived.

He glanced behind him. Far away in Essetir lay a village called Ealdor. Balinor had found a home and a wife there. He thought he was safe from Uther. He thought that his past was behind him.

He was wrong.

Uther somehow found out where he was and sent knights after him. Balinor didn’t stand a chance. They came dressed as simple travellers and attacked while he was resting during a long day of working in the fields. They shackled him and dragged him away as the people of Ealdor watched.

He couldn’t blame them. They were from a quiet farming village; there was no way they could best a knight from Camelot. He could only pray that they would tell _her_ of his fate.

Hunith. His beautiful Hunith. 

His only solace was that Hunith had gone to the next village to trade supplies, so she wasn’t there when Uther’s men attacked. She wasn’t caught in the crossfire, even if he wasn’t able to say goodbye.

A sharp tug on the chain leading him both brought him out of his thoughts and caused him to stumble. The knights laughed.

“Hurry up, Dragonlord, the King is eager to see you,” the head knight said.

Balinor sneered at him and began to walk, holding his head high. “Then I guess we shouldn’t keep Uther waiting any longer,” he said. 

“You’re rather smug for a man who is doomed to die,” the knight said with a frown. 

“I have lived my life with honour, and will die with dignity. I can’t say that you will be able to do the same,” Balinor said.

He gasped as a boot met his back, causing him to stumble forward again and fall to the ground. He rolled his eyes and managed to get back up as the knights laughed.

“You’re not so high and mighty now, are you?” the knight who kicked him said.

“On the contrary, you have only proven that I am right. You will die as honourless men,” Balinor hissed.

“But at least we will live to see tomorrow,” the head knight said. He didn’t give Balinor a chance to respond before he brought his horse into a steady trot, forcing Balinor to focus on keeping up.

\---

It was clear that Camelot was no longer the bright, happy city he once remembered. In the year he was gone, the atmosphere had completely changed. People who used to welcome the Knights home scurried into their houses, terrified that they would join the man being led to the castle in chains.

Balinor pitied them.

The Knights led him to the castle, where a pair of guards stepped forward to take him. 

“Take him to the dungeon, and we will arrange for an audience with the King. I am sure he’s dining right about now,” the head knight said.

“His Majesty has ordered for the Dragonlord to be brought to him right away, no matter what time you arrive or what he’s doing,” a guard said.

Balinor let out a bitter laugh. “I’m glad to hear that Uther sees me as such an esteemed guest,” he said. 

One of the guards scoffed and began to drag him away. Balinor rolled his eyes and allowed the guards to lead him, holding his head high. Hopefully Uther was in the middle of something very important right now, then at least he could die knowing that he inconvenienced him in some way. 

The guards lead him to Uther’s room. Balinor blinked in confusion. Even if Uther was busy, he expected the King to make a show out of the fact that he had captured the last Dragonlord once more.

One of the guards knocked, and Uther’s manservant opened the door, letting them in. He shut the door and locked it behind them.

Uther was sitting at his table eating supper. He smirked when the trio entered the room, gesturing for them to come forward.

“Bring him here.”

The guards obeyed, knocking Balinor’s legs out from under him once they were close enough. Balinor gasped and fell to the ground.

“You’re looking well, Balinor,” Uther said, sipping his wine, “I trust your trip here was uneventful?” 

“Skip the pleasantries, Uther. You and I both know that you don’t care for them,” Balinor sneered.

One of the guards raised a hand to strike him, but Uther held up his own hand to stop him. Balinor frowned and watched as the King stood up and drew his sword, holding it to Balinor’s neck with a cruel smirk plastered on his face. Their eyes met, and Balinor tilted his head slightly.

“Do it then,” he said. “I’ve made my peace.”

Uther began to laugh, but his hand stayed still. “You escaped death once...I never knew you to be a man who was so willing to die.” He sheathed his sword, shaking his head. “Let him stand.”

The confusion had to be evident on Balinor’s face as the guards hauled him to his feet. He looked between them and Uther, searching for answers. He had spent the journey preparing for this exact moment; preparing for the end. Uther said that he never knew Balinor to be a man who was so willing to die, but Balinor never knew Uther as a man who would play games such as this.

“No...I am not going to kill you,” Uther said. “I wish to keep the great dragon as my trophy, but he is very unpredictable. If something ever happened, I would need a dragonlord to keep him under control. You are the last. I need you alive, my old friend. As a gift for your service to this kingdom, I will spare you, but I will also hide you where no one will ever find you.”

Balinor was silent as Uther’s words sunk in. None of this was expected. He expected to be dead by now, killed the moment Uther laid eyes on him. He was going to live, but it would be where no one would ever find him…

His confusion turned to horror. Perhaps he did deserve this for the fate he had condemned Kilgharrah to, but that didn’t lessen his shock. He didn’t even fight back when the Uther gestured for the guards to follow him and they did so, dragging Balinor with them. 

They dragged him deep into the dungeon. For a moment, he thought they were taking him to Kilgharrah and any unease he felt lessened at the idea of being locked up with the dragon. Kilgharrah was a cryptic and sometimes annoying beast, but that was something that Balinor could handle. 

His unease returned when Uther led them to a different part of the caves. The tunnels twisted and turned at different points. Uther was right, no one would find him down here. These caves used to be for the dragons, and only the dragonlords knew how to navigate them. Uther was the only outsider who could...because Balinor had shown the King the way. 

They stopped at a small cavern. It was a dead end. Bars now covered its entrance, a small door was placed in the center. The cavern itself was nearly bare, save for a few blankets and some water. Balinor began to struggle, but he was weak from his journey and the lack of proper food and water he received during it. The guards easily managed to force him into the cell, locking the door behind them. Balinor stumbled and fell to the ground, quickly making an attempt to get up and face his captor.

Uther was laughing as he struggled to get up. “Welcome to your new home. I hope you find it to your liking. Someone will be down later with your rations for the week.”

“How dare you!” Balinor cried, the shock finally wearing off and being replaced with rage. “First you desecrate this place by imprisoning Kilgharrah in it--”

“And who’s fault was that? Don’t forget, Balinor, you were the one who called him here in a naive and foolish attempt at peace. You were the one who damned him to this place,” Uther said with a smirk, turning away. “All of this is your own doing.”

Balinor grabbed the bars of his new cell, holding them tightly and glaring at Uther’s retreating form. Yes, he had been a fool and trusted Uther despite the purge. He had been naive and thought there could be peace...but... 

“You are nothing but a coward, Uther! I swear to you that I _will_ find a way out of this place, and I will have my revenge, not only for my Kin but for all of those that you’ve slaughtered because you can’t face the fact that you killed her!” he shouted. 

Uther stopped, but it was only for a moment before he continued on, disappearing into the darkness with his guards, leaving Balinor screaming and shouting behind him.


	2. Merlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nineteen years later, Merlin has come to Camelot and finds Kilgharrah. He sends Merlin on a quest to find Balinor...a quest that could change his life forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooooh my goodness! Thank you so much for the positive reception this fic has received! The comments have given me life and energy to keep writing! This chapter is based on The Dragon's Call, and I only included key scenes because...I'm sure we all know that episode and don't need me retelling the whole thing. This chapter was also beta'd by WoodlandGoddess1 to make it nice and shiny for y'all!
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

_Nineteen Years Later_

Merlin had enough. For three nights in a row now he had been hearing some weird voice in his head, and he was going to find the source. 

He had nothing but trouble in Camelot since he arrived. While it appeared to be a beautiful city at first glance, it was full of danger. Magic was illegal here, and he was a boy with uncontrollable magic. He’d already witnessed one execution, watched a witch threaten the Prince’s life, got into a fight with said Prince, was jailed, then thrown in the stocks, got into a fight with the prat of a Prince again, and to top it all off, something was strange about Lady Helen. He was starting to wish that he never came to this stupid place.

He followed the voice through the courtyard and into the dungeons. It was as if something was pulling him towards this place. There were two guards playing dice by the entrance to another staircase, but they were easily dealt with by flinging the dice down the hall with magic. Merlin grabbed a torch and made his way downstairs and into a tunnel. The tunnel soon opened up to a landing in a huge cavern. 

“Merlin,” a voice said with a laugh.

“Where are you?” Merlin shouted, looking around. He couldn’t see the source of the voice, but it was definitely somewhere in here.

Merlin’s eyes widened as a huge golden dragon landed on the stones in front of him. He stepped back as the creature looked down at him with a knowing smile. 

“I’m here!” The dragon said with a hint of amusement in his voice. “How small you are for such a great destiny!”

“Destiny? What are you talking about?” Merlin asked. Great, he appeared to have met the dragon imprisoned under the castle that Gaius mentioned, but it was an overly cryptic dragon.

“Your gifts were given to you for a reason--”

“So there is a reason!” Merlin interrupted, a feeling of joy surging through his chest. Maybe this dragon would have answers after all- Gaius certainly didn’t, and Merlin was sent here to learn from him in the first place.

“Arthur is the Once and Future King who will unite the land of Albion...but he faces many threats from friend and foe alike.”

“I don’t see what this has to do with me.”

“Everything! Without you, Arthur will never succeed. Without you, there will be no Albion.”

Merlin shook his head. This couldn’t be right. Arthur was a stuck up, spoiled prat. There was no way he could be a King who would unite Albion. On top of that, Merlin himself was only a peasant who had out of control magic(which he had to hide from the so-called Once and Future King, he might add), so how was he supposed to even get close to a Prince?

“No. No, you’ve got this wrong,” he said. 

“There is no right or wrong, only what is and what isn’t,” the dragon responded, unamused.

“But I’m serious! If anyone wants to go and kill him, they can go ahead. In fact, I'll give them a hand,” Merlin snapped, remembering his horrible encounters with the Prince.

That caused the dragon to let out a laugh. “None of us can choose our destiny, Merlin, and none of us can escape it.”

“No. No way. No. No. There must be another Arthur, because this one’s an idiot,” Merlin said.

“Perhaps it is your destiny to change that,” the dragon replied, tilting his head.

“Fine, I’ll play along. Assuming I’m destined to help Arthur become this amazing Once and Future King, how am I supposed to do that? In case you haven’t noticed, magic is very illegal in Camelot, and even if it wasn’t I have barely any control over mine.”

“You have allies in Camelot. Some are known, some are not.”

“Like Gaius.”

“I suppose so. However, I would recommend that you find Balinor. He is very wise in the ways of magic, and you will have much to learn from him,” the dragon said, spreading his wings.

“Wait! Where am I supposed to find this Balinor?” Merlin asked.

The dragon only smiled and took off, leaving Merlin staring at the spot where he had previously sat in shock.

\---

Despite all of the distractions and errands the next day, he couldn’t get the dragon’s words out of his head.

Everything was overwhelming. He may have an answer for why he had his gifts, but it wasn’t the answer he was expecting at all. In fact, it only left him with more questions. How was he supposed to achieve this destiny? How would he learn to control his magic, since Gaius was so opposed to him practicing it? Who was Balinor? Where was Balinor? Would he actually be able to help him in the first place?

 _”Crazy old lizard”_ he thought to himself.

His questions were swimming in his head all day, even at the grand feast that Uther was holding. Gaius managed to get him in, as long as he promised to work. Hoping for something that could actually distract him from all his thoughts and feelings, he happily agreed.

It worked. He hadn’t attended anything this grand before. Even though he was working, and even though the Prat was there, it was a wonderful evening.

Until Lady Helen stepped up to sing at least.

Merlin had almost forgotten about the strange doll he found in her chambers, and the reaction he had received when she found him. It wasn’t until she started to sing that he realized something was very, very wrong. 

His magic was forcing itself to the surface, and it was angry. People around him were starting to fall asleep. In a panic, he covered his ears. Cobwebs began to form over the room and people, leaving the once bright and festive hall in a dark, decrepit state. 

The song wasn’t a regular song. It was a spell.

As her song drew to a close, Merlin saw a flash of silver. Lady Helen had pulled out a knife and was heading towards Arthur.

He had to think fast. If he let Arthur die, then maybe he wouldn’t have to worry about all of this destiny nonsense. However...what would happen if Arthur died now? Even more importantly, what kind of person would he be if he stood by and watched someone get killed?! No, destiny definitely had nothing to do with this.

He looked around the room, spotting a chandelier hanging over Lady Helen. His eyes flashed gold as he willed it to fall. Both the chandelier and Lady Helen fell to the ground with a crash.

Merlin sighed with relief as the court began to wake up. He stepped out of his hiding spot, glancing at the fallen lady. 

His initial feelings about her had been right. In place of the Lady Helen was now the old woman from the town square, the one whose son had been executed. Merlin frowned. He really did sympathize with her grief, but killing Arthur wasn’t the way to deal with what had happened. Uther should have been her target, not him. 

His attention turned to Gaius. The older man was smiling at him and making his way over. Merlin smiled back, but that smile quickly faded.

The sorceress was raising the dagger again, and aiming right for Arthur.

The moment the dagger left her hand, Merlin acted on instinct. Time slowed and he ran for Arthur, pushing him out of the way. As they crashed to the ground time returned to normal and the dagger was planted in Arthur’s chair.

Merlin quickly got up, looking between Uther and Arthur nervously. He had just tackled the Prince of Camelot to the ground, and even if it was to save him he didn’t have a good track record with the man.

However, Uther’s shock turned to a smile. “You saved my boy’s life! A debt must be repaid,” he said.

Merlin stepped back as the King stepped forward. “Oh...well…” he said. Everyone’s eyes were on him now and this was incredibly embarrassing.

“Don’t be so modest! You shall be rewarded,” Uther continued, putting a firm hand on Merlin’s shoulder.

Merlin internally cringed, doubting that Uther would be so generous if he knew _how_ Merlin saved Arthur’s life. “No, honestly, you don't have to, Your Highness.”

“No, absolutely. This merits something quite special.”

“Well…” 

“You shall be rewarded a position in the royal household. You shall be Prince Arthur's manservant!”

Merlin blinked as the court applauded. His reward for saving Arthur’s life...was to become Arthur’s servant. That hardly seemed like a reward! He could vaguely hear Arthur try to argue, but Uther was long gone. Merlin just looked at Arthur in horror. Arthur was staring back at him with narrowed eyes. Merlin narrowed his own and looked away, taking a chance to glance back at the court. Gwen was looking at him with the utmost pity, even though she was clapping. 

Just what had he gotten himself into?

\---

Merlin was laying in bed later that night when Gaius knocked on the door before entering the room with a small smile.

“Seems you’re a hero,” he said.

Merlin sat up with a grin, leaning against the wall. “Hard to believe, isn’t it?” he said. Despite his feelings on becoming Arthur’s manservant as some kind of ‘reward’, he was rather fond of all the praise he received after the fact. Still, after some time it got a little overwhelming, so he had retired early.

“No,” Gaius replied, shaking his head. “I knew it from the moment I met you, when you saved my life, remember?”

“But that was magic,” Merlin’s smile faded. Gaius hated when he used magic, and when he mentioned it...so where was this conversation heading?

“I saw how you saved Arthur’s life. Perhaps we have found a use for your magic.”

There was a part of Merlin that felt somewhat bitter that Gaius was suddenly praising him for his use of magic after he berated him for using it so many times, but he pushed that feeling aside and accepted it for what it was: praise.

“Perhaps we have,” Merlin said with a small smile, the thought of his destiny in the back of his mind.

“I have a gift for you. This book was given to me when I was your age, but I have a feeling it will be of more use to you than it was to me,” Gaius said, holding out something wrapped in cloth.

Merlin took it and unwrapped it, his eyes widening. Inside was a book of magic. He looked up at Gaius, shock and happiness on his face.

“This is a book of magic,” he said.

“Which is why you must keep it hidden.”

Merlin nodded and wrapped the book up again, his smile widening. “I will study every word! Thank you, Gaius!” he said. 

The older man gave him a smile and opened his mouth to say something, but they were interrupted by a knock at the door to Gaius’ chambers.

“Merlin, Prince Arthur wants you right away!” someone said. 

Gaius chuckled. “Arthur is waiting,” he said.

Merlin sighed and rolled his eyes, putting the book down on his bed and heading for the door.

\---

The guard that had been sent to fetch him led him to Arthur’s chambers. Merlin made sure to make an attempt to memorize the way. He would be coming this way often, no doubt.

Arthur was waiting for them when they arrived. Morris was scurrying around the room, preparing everything for the night.

“You are dismissed,” Arthur said to the guard. The guard bowed and left. Arthur waited until he was gone before continuing. “So, Merlin...it appears we have found ourselves in an interesting predicament.”

“It appears we have,” Merlin said, crossing his arms. “You’re welcome, by the way.”

“What for?” Arthur asked, his smug expression turning to confusion.

“For saving your life,” Merlin said with a huff, rolling his eyes. 

“You can’t speak to me like that! I am the Prince, and you are my servant!”

“You’re welcome, by the way, for saving your life...My Lord,” Merlin added.

Arthur narrowed his eyes and stared at Merlin. Merlin narrowed his and stared right back at him.

“You will report to my chambers at sunrise with my breakfast. Do you understand?” Arthur asked. “Or do I need to say it slowly?”

“I understand just fine,” Merlin replied. “ _Sire_ ”

“Good. Morris will be here so he can show you how everything is to be done. I am very particular,” Arthur said. “You are dismissed, and remember...sunrise with breakfast.”

Merlin merely gave a quick bow before walking out of the room, letting the door fall closed behind him.

\---

Merlin stormed through the halls. He had gotten a bit lost on the way back, but quite frankly, he couldn’t care less. Arthur was a prat, and Merlin was not looking forward to having to deal with him, so-called destiny be damned.

He finally found his way back to Gaius’ chambers and reached for the handle, but stopped when he heard voices inside.

“Is everything ready?”

Merlin frowned and held his ear close to the door. It sounded like Uther...but what was the King doing at Gaius’ chambers so late?

“Yes, Sire, all of the supplies are ready. I’ve given him some bandages and a few more potions too, in case he falls ill again.”

That one was Gaius. Who were they talking about?

“Excellent. The last thing I need is for Balinor to drop dead.”

Merlin covered his mouth to suppress a gasp. Balinor. They were talking about Balinor. Was this the same Balinor that the dragon wanted him to find?

He darted into the shadows when he heard footsteps coming towards the door. Uther exited the room, and looked around before heading down the hall.

Merlin followed after him, being very careful to not be seen. If this was the Balinor that the dragon wanted him to find, then this might be one of the only chances he would get.

He followed Uther into a hidden passageway that led into some tunnels. As they made their way deeper and deeper into the winding maze, Merlin felt more and more unsettled. Why would Balinor be down here? Why would anyone be down here?

Uther finally stopped at the end of a tunnel. Merlin backed into a small cavern, hidden, but still able to see and hear the King.

“Hello, Balinor,” Uther said. When there was no reply, Uther continued. “So ungrateful. One would think you would want a conversation. Today was a rather interesting day. We had a feast to celebrate the anniversary of the dragon’s imprisonment, and a sorceress attempted to kill Arthur. He was saved by Gaius’ new apprentice, a boy named Merlin. He’s a troublesome one...I suspect you would like him due to his clear disrespect for his betters. Still, he did save my son, so I rewarded him. He is now Arthur’s manservant.”

Merlin covered his mouth in shock. Uther was talking about him. Uther was telling a potential person about him.

The sound of keys echoed through the tunnel, then metal scraping against stone, before the final sound of a door slamming. 

“Fine, if you don’t want to speak, then you can suffer in silence for another week,” Uther said. “Here are your rations. Gaius has given you supplies too. Don’t die on me.”

With those final words Uther turned and stormed off. Merlin pressed himself against the wall as the King passed him, praying he wouldn’t be spotted. Thankfully, Uther was far too focused on his anger and what was ahead to look at the caverns around him. Merlin relaxed once he was gone, but chose to wait a few more minutes before leaving his hiding spot.

Once he felt Uther was long gone, Merlin peaked out of the small cavern he was hiding in. The coast was clear. Lighting a small ball of fire, he crept down the tunnel that Uther had previously occupied. 

He was shocked to find a cavern with bars on the entrance. As he crept closer, his light revealed that there was someone inside.

All the blood drained from his face. Was this Balinor? He was the only one in the cell, so he had to be.

Once he reached the bars, it was easy to see that it was indeed a man. Angry dark eyes stared back at Merlin, but they appeared to soften ever so slightly after a moment. 

“Who are you?” the man said in a deep voice that was cracking from disuse. 

“I’m M...merlin,” Merlin answered, shrinking back slightly from the man’s gaze.

“Ah...Arthur’s hero,” the man mumbled before turning to dig through a bag. It looked like the one Uther brought down, so it must be the supplies that he mentioned to Gaius.

“Are you Balinor?” Merlin blurted out. He instantly regretted asking that question, because the man spun around again, narrowing his eyes and barring his teeth at him.

“How did you know my name?” the man, -no, Balinor-, hissed. “What do you want with me? Did Uther send you?”

“No! No!” Merlin said, backing up when Balinor lashed out. “I overheard Uther and Gaius talking, and Uther mentioned your name so I followed him all the way down here. The dragon said I should find you!”

He was really starting to doubt the dragon’s advice. Balinor did not look nor sound like someone who was sane; though it was reasonable to assume that being trapped down here could do that to a man. 

“The dragon? You’ve spoken with Kilgharrah?” Balinor said, his whole demeanour changing. He narrowed his eyes and looked between Merlin and the flame in his hand.

It was at that moment that Merlin realized that he hadn’t extinguished it. He paled and quickly did, not that it would do anything. Balinor had already seen it.

“You have magic!” Balinor exclaimed. He was starting to sound excited. “Bring it back, boy. I need some light in this damned place.”

Merlin hesitated. His instincts were telling him to run from this crazy man who was calling himself Balinor, but his heart was telling him to stay. Maybe this Balinor had something to do with that destiny the dragon, -Kilgharrah, he corrected himself-, was rambling on about.

With a deep breath and a prayer to the gods that he wouldn’t regret this, he lit up another ball of fire.

Balinor stared at the fire with an unreadable expression, tilting his head ever so slightly. Merlin watched the man closely, and after a few moments of silence, he saw a hint of a smile on Balinor’s face. 

“Thank you, Merlin. I haven’t seen such a sight in a long time,” Balinor said.

Merlin was about to point out that Uther brought a torch down, but he stopped himself. It was highly unlikely that Balinor was referring to regular fire. 

“You’re welcome. How long have you been down here?” Merlin asked.

Balinor’s smile instantly faded. Merlin was worried that he had angered the man again, but when Balinor eventually spoke his voice was calm, only sad.

“Nearly twenty years now,” he said.

“Twenty years?!” Merlin cried, “How have you survived?”

“Uther brings me rations every week, and sometimes Gaius comes down if I’m very ill...but mainly I keep myself going by reminding myself of the promise I made when Uther threw me down here. I swore to him that I would find a way out of this place and I would have my revenge,” Balinor explained. He sighed, then began to play with what looked like a ring on his finger. “I also think of happier times. And I’m never truly alone. Kilgharrah and I have a connection, so I have someone to talk to. He can be a rather cryptic and infuriating beast sometimes though,” 

“Yeah, he is,” Merlin sighed. He then perked up as a thought hit him. “How do you know the dragon’s name, and how do you talk to him?” he asked. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t excited at the prospect of this Balinor potentially being like him...even if he knew that it could be him in that cage.

“I am a Dragonlord,” Balinor said, albeit sadly. “I am the last of my kind. There once were many of us, but Uther hunted us down. Kilgharrah and I are like brothers. When I give a command, he must listen...but it is unwise to abuse that power. Uther asked me to use my power to bring Kilgharrah to Camelot. He said that he wanted to make peace with him...but he lied. He lied and Kilgharrah was trapped. I am only alive because Uther fears that he may need my power once more.”

So Balinor was not like him then. That was silently disheartening, even though the information was interesting. “I’m sorry about your people,” he said.

“Thank you,” Balinor said with a sad nod. He tilted his head and narrowed his eyes, watching Merlin closely. “How did _you_ meet him?” 

“This might sound weird, but he called to me, and I followed his voice. He wanted to tell me about my destiny, and how I’m apparently supposed to protect the prince and help him...then he told me to find you,” Merlin replied. “Though...I really don’t know why, no offence.”

“Destiny? What destiny?” Balinor asked, his eyes lighting up.

“Kilgharrah said that Arthur is the Once and Future King. It is my destiny to use my gifts to help him unite Albion,” Merlin said with a shrug, “Though I’m still not sure about it.”

Balinor gasped and stood up, looking Merlin up and down. Merlin just stared back in stunned confusion. Balinor was staring at him with complete and utter awe.

“I know that prophecy. No wonder Kilgharrah was able to contact you, Emrys.”

“I’m sorry?” Merlin said.

“A dragon cannot communicate with just anyone. That connection is reserved for Dragonlords and their sons...but with your power, it’s easy to see how he was able to contact you”

“Okay...but what do you mean by Emrys? My name is Merlin.”

Balinor’s awed expression fell and turned to a frown. “Has Kilgharrah not told you?”

Merlin shook his head and Balinor groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Typical overgrown lizard. Leaves you with questions and sends you on a hunt to find me so I can do all of the work,” he said. With a sigh, he turned back to Merlin. 

“Emrys is what the prophecy calls the one who helps the Once and Future King unite Albion. He is said to be the most powerful sorcerer to ever live. If Arthur Pendragon is the Once and Future King...then you are Emrys. You must have been blessed with incredible gifts,” he said.

Merlin stared at the man, then down at the flame in his hand. He had spent his whole life wondering why he was like this, why he was different, and now that he was receiving answers...it still felt so unreal. He still doubted himself. Arthur was born and raised to be a King, but he was just a peasant boy from Ealdor.

“I don’t know how I can do it,” he finally said. “My mother says I have been using magic ever since I was a few months old, but I can barely control it. How am I supposed to help Arthur build Albion if I can barely help myself! Gaius gave me a spellbook, but he always cautions me against using magic. I need to use it--”

“You do. It’s a part of you. Gaius learned magic when he was young, but he wasn’t born with it. He wouldn’t understand. I came into my magic when I was about three summers old. While that is later than you, magic is a natural part of me too,” Balinor said. He paused and looked nervous, but after a deep breath, he continued. “I can teach you if you are willing.”

Merlin didn’t know what to say. On one hand, he was thankful for Balinor’s offer, because he did agree with what he was saying. On the other hand, this was a fair amount of distance to travel for lessons from a stranger in some caves. 

“I’ll think about it, okay?” he said, praying that Balinor wouldn’t lash out.

Balinor didn’t. In fact, he only looked sad, but he nodded. “Of course. I understand. Take all the time you need,” he said.

Merlin offered him a small smile. “I should go. I’ll come back next week, and I’ll bring you some food. I doubt Uther is bringing you anything good.”

“That...that would be appreciated,” Balinor said. “Farewell, then. I hope you have a good week. It was very nice to meet you.”

“Thank you. It was nice to meet you too,” Merlin said before he turned to leave. He then paused, realizing that he had no idea how to get back. He felt a rush of panic set in before Kilgharrah’s voice echoed in his head.

 _”I will guide you out”_ he said.

“Oh thank goodness,” Merlin mumbled. He turned back to wave at Balinor, who gave him a small wave in return, before setting off.

\---

Gaius was still fast asleep when Merlin made it back to his chambers. He sneaked past the sleeping physician and into his own room. He collapsed on his bed, thinking back to what just happened and what he had discovered.

There was a man being held prisoner under the castle, deep in the caves and tunnels. He had been there for nearly twenty years, and by some miracle he was still alive. This strange man had magic, and he had answers to some of Merlin’s questions. What else did he know?

Maybe it was worth learning the tunnels so he could be tutored by Balinor. 

He sighed and lay down, closing his eyes. He had another week, he would just have to think on it, and he would see what tomorrow would bring.


	3. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Merlin comes to visit him again, Balinor makes a startling realization that changes everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> phew! Got this chapter done! It was originally supposed to be longer, but I thought the line it finishes on was a good endpoint. This chapter got a bit dark since Balinor has some memories of the purge, and it is a bit busy, but I hope you enjoy!
> 
> This chapter was once again beta'd by [WoodlandGoddess1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WoodlandGoddess1/pseuds/WoodlandGoddess1) and the "We die as equals" line came from her fic for me called "Auribus Teneo Lupum". I just loved it so much so I ~~stole~~ borrowed it. Though warning for if you chose to read it, HEED THE WARNINGS IT IS VERY GRAPHIC.

Balinor perked up at the sound of footsteps. They were familiar and clearly Uther’s, but he would be willing to put up with the man if it meant seeing Merlin again. 

There was something about the boy; something other than his status as Emrys and his power, that drew Balinor to him. He had tried to ask Kilgharrah for answers, but the damned beast just chuckled and rattled off about ‘destiny’ every time. 

If Kilgharrah wasn’t going to give him answers, then he would find them out himself. 

He managed to stand up and he began to approach the bars. The faster he could get rid of Uther, the better. Uther was nearly there and his lips twisted into a cruel smirk when he saw his captive waiting for him.

“Oh! You have decided to show your face today,” he said.

“These tunnels are dark and lonely. In these circumstances, even a worthless tyrant makes tolerable company once and awhile,” Balinor replied, holding his head high.

Uther’s proud demeanour cracked slightly, and the smirk fell from his face. “Well then, you will be upset to know that this is a short visit today. A _King_ does not lower himself to keep the company of disgraced traitors,” he snapped.

“Yet you continue to do so every week for the past eighteen years,” Balinor said, the corner of his lips twitching into a smirk.

“Would you rather starve and die in these dark and lonely tunnels?”

“You wouldn’t let that happen,” Balinor said, his expression darkening, “Because you fear what could happen if you do. I would be willing to spare your people, but Kilgharrah would not be as merciful.”

Uther sneered and dropped the bag of rations just outside of the bars. “No, you and your damned dragon will never see the light of day again. I have won over magic! This is where you will spend the rest of your days, dead to the rest of the world,” he hissed. 

Even though he knew Uther was lashing out, that last bit stung. He could count the number of people who knew about his situation on one hand. He thought highly of Gaius, and Merlin seemed nice enough but compared to the one person who thought him dead...he would trade it all for her. 

“No more _witty_ comebacks?” Uther said. When Balinor kept silent, he smirked again and turned away. “That’s what I thought. Remember your place, Balinor. You are no longer an advisor or a friend. You are nothing but a disgraced traitor who’s destined to die a lonely, broken man.”

“Then we die as equals,” Balinor managed to shoot back.

Uther didn’t respond, he merely scoffed and walked away, leaving him in darkness once more. 

Balinor waited until Uther was gone before falling to his knees and reached for the bag of supplies, pulling them in one by one. He looked up when he heard soft footsteps approaching, and his mood lightened ever so slightly when he saw the source.

Merlin kneeled down, putting his own bag on the ground, and reached into Uther’s bag of supplies, holding them out for Balinor to take. Balinor took them with a small, grateful smile.

“H...he’s wrong, you know,” Merlin said after a moment of silence. 

Balinor looked up in surprise and blinked. What was---oh yes, Uther. Merlin would have heard that conversation.

“Uther is wrong about many things,” he said. 

“Like magic,” Merlin said.

Balinor raised an eyebrow. Of course Uther was wrong about magic, wasn’t that obvious enough? Yet any snarky reply he was about to give stopped in his throat the moment he saw Merlin’s expression. The boy was looking to him with pleading eyes. He had to know the answer already. He was just looking for someone to confirm it.

“Of course,” Balinor finally replied, though his response was far kinder than he initially intended it to be. “Uther believes magic to be evil, but there is no evil in sorcery, only in the hearts of men.”

Men like Uther. Oh...how hadn’t he seen it before…

“Gaius said that before the purge, people used magic for all the wrong means and it through the world into chaos. That’s why Uther banned it twenty years ago,” Merlin added. 

“What?!” Balinor hissed. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath when he saw Merlin flinch back. He could end up being the teacher here, and it would do no good if his student feared him. Once he felt calm once more, he opened his eyes.

“I’m sorry, my anger was not directed at you. Of course there were people who used magic for their own ends, but surely even today there are those who use a sword for their own ends,” he explained.

‘ _After all, it wasn’t a man with magic who lead the world into chaos_ ’ he thought to himself. 

He was pleased to see that Merlin visibly relaxed. 

“Let us talk about more pleasant things. How has your week been?” Balinor asked, trying to lighten the mood. 

Merlin groaned and rolled his eyes. “Arthur is impossible! He’s a spoiled, arrogant brat who works me to the bone!”

Balinor let out a soft chuckle. “It sounds like he keeps you occupied,” he said.

“Between him and Gaius, I barely have any time to myself,” Merlin said with a sigh. A moment later, he perked up. “Oh! That reminds me…”

Balinor watched with curiosity as Merlin opened his bag and dug through it. He began to pull out a fresh roll of bread, two dumplings, and a tart. His mouth started to water at the sight and smell of the food. Uther hadn’t brought him anything fresh in ages.

“I managed to steal some food from the kitchen. The cook often has her eye on me when I’m in there, so I couldn’t grab as much as I wanted to. I’m sorry,” Merlin said.

“You have nothing to apologize for. I am very thankful for anything,” Balinor said, reaching for the tart. He could barely remember the taste of such a delicacy, but when he bit into it, he nearly gagged.

Balinor had been worried that Merlin would be offended when he spat the tart out, but thankfully that didn’t seem to be the case. He looked concerned instead.

“I’m sorry! Do you not like those ones?” he asked.

“It’s not that, it’s too sweet. I’m not used to such a taste,” Balinor said, frowning at the offending food. It was a shame, even though he could barely remember how they were supposed to taste, he did remember that he once enjoyed them.

“Oh! I’ll...I’ll get you fresh bread then, and maybe I can bring you down some warm broth one day. Kilgharrah said he would help me find my way around the tunnels, so I should be able to come down whenever I want.”

“You would do that for me?” Balinor asked, eyes widening ever so slightly, “I’ll admit, I’m surprised that you came back today.”

“I promised that I would come back. Besides, I’ve been doing a bit of research…” Merlin trailed off, reaching into his bag again. He pulled out a large book, though Balinor couldn’t read the title. “I found this in the library. It’s a book on the Dragonlords.”

Balinor gasped. He thought Uther had burned such things at the start of the purge. He held out a hand and found it was slightly trembling. 

“Can I see it?”

Merlin opened it to a specific page and handed it through the bars. He then held his ball of fire up so Balinor could see the words.

Balinor felt his eyes start to water as he read the page. This was a family tree.

His family tree.

His fingers trailed down the lines, lingering on the names of his father, mother, brother, and sister. His father had died when he was sixteen, but his mother and sister were killed in the purge. He still remembered their faces and their voices. Their screams as they burned on the pyre had echoed through the dungeons, and he had been helpless. He could only sit and listen as his family and his kin were slaughtered in the courtyard above his cell.

It was only when Merlin was handing him a handkerchief did he realize he was crying. He looked between the fabric and the boy before wiping the tears away with his sleeve.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” Merlin said, guilt written all over his features.

“You were not the one who lit their pyres,” Balinor said, “That honour lies with Uther Pendragon.”

Merlin’s eyes widened as the reality behind Balinor’s words set in. “Uther…he… I’m sorry, I should have realized.”

“My father died of illness when I was sixteen, but yes, my mother, brother, and sister were killed in the purge. When Uther asked me to bring Kilgharrah to Camelot, it wasn’t just a trap for him and I. It was a trap for my people. They had been in hiding, but when I came out of it to help Uther, I accidentally led his men right to them. I betrayed them all,” Balinor said. 

“You trusted Uther, even after everything he had done?” Merlin asked. 

“Yes,” Balinor admitted, “I was his close friend once. I was blinded by memories of the man he used to be. My people paid for my ignorance with their lives.”

He didn’t know why he was telling Merlin all of this. Maybe it was because he needed to tell someone. Maybe it was because Kilgharrah believed that he was somehow meant to help Merlin with his destiny. Maybe he was just being a fool.

Or...maybe he thought he could atone somehow by helping Emrys bring Uther down and usher in the Golden Age of Albion.

It was a silly idea. He could never atone for what he had done and even if he could, Merlin hadn’t even agreed to let Balinor teach him. 

“He must have been a very good man then,” Merlin said. To Balinor’s surprise, his tone wasn’t accusatory or angry. He sounded...sad. 

“He was. He conquered this land from a tyrant King Vortigern and brought forth an era of peace. He was just and kind, and the kingdom prospered under his rule, but then…” Balinor trailed off as he thought about Ygraine. She was so young; they had all been so young, hadn’t they? Young and full of arrogance, assuming that they could be like the gods. He had been hesitant at first; after all, such magic came with a price. But then Nimueh got involved, and he too became an arrogant fool. After all, surely a High Priestess could successfully keep the balance, right?

“I want to talk about something else now,” Balinor said, looking away. The past was a dark pace that was filled with pain. “Why don’t you tell me about yourself?”

Merlin hesitated but soon nodded. “Okay. I’m not very interesting, really. I’m just a peasant from a small farming village in Essetir. I lived with my mother, and she sent me here to learn from Gaius. She raised me on her own since my father died before I was born. My magic is out of control, and she was scared that I would be found out. She thought it would be safer if I was hiding in a city full of people then a small village like Ealdor,” he explained. “Neither of us expected me to be this close to royalty.”

Balinor almost felt his heart stop. Not only was Merlin from Ealdor, his father had supposedly died before he was born too. He looked to be around the right age…

No. He couldn’t be. She wasn’t pregnant when Balinor was arrested, was she? Maybe she didn’t know and discovered this later.

Balinor narrowed his eyes, staring at Merlin and studying his features. If he was who Balinor thought he was, then surely he would see something in them.

With her in mind...he could see it. Merlin had her eyes, and her smile. Balinor could see bits of himself in the boy too, assuming that this was all true and it wasn’t some figment of his imagination.

“Your mother sent you here? Does she have magic?” he asked.

“No,” Merlin said, shaking his head.

“She must be a very strong woman then, if you were using magic since you were only a few months old. She raised you and kept your magic hidden for so long,” Balinor said, forcing a smile.

“Yes!” Merlin said. His eyes crinkled into little crescent moons as his smile widened. “She is very strong!”

Balinor’s heart ached. When Uther first locked him down here he had screamed into the darkness about how unfair this all was. He had cried for his lost loved ones and the life he could have had. Yet as time went on he became almost numb; put up walls and became a shell of his former self. Merlin managed to put a crack in those walls today, and it was too much.

“She sounds like a wonderful woman. What is her name?” he asked, praying that this didn’t sound suspicious and that Merlin would tell him. 

Merlin went silent for a moment, clearly debating if he should tell Balinor this information.

Balinor wasn’t even sure if he was ready to hear it himself. 

“Her name is Hunith,” Merlin finally said.

The walls shattered.

Hunith was still alive. Hunith had raised a son all alone...his son. Their son. Merlin had to be; there was no other way. He had left her to raise the boy all alone. How hard it must have been for her, since her stupid excuse for a husband had not only left her alone with this magical, amazing child, but he hadn’t taught her much about magic. She probably hated him, and he wouldn’t blame her.

“Leave me,” Balinor said, turning away as he began to tremble. This was too much. He couldn’t take so many emotions in one day, especially after so long. 

“B...Balinor?” Merlin asked.

“Leave me!” Balinor snapped. 

He heard Merlin start to pack things up. With a choked sob he said one last thing. 

“Study that book on the Dragonlords, Merlin. Please...it is so important. I know I have not been the best to you, but...please, I beg of you to read it and study every word,” he said, his voice cracking from sorrow and guilt.

“O...okay,” Merlin said.

Balinor listened to Merlin’s footsteps growing more and more distant until they faded away completely. He crawled to the straw and filthy blankets that was his bed and curled up on it, letting the tears fall.

It felt like years before the tears finally stopped and Balinor moved to lay on his back, completely drained and exhausted from the past hour.

“I’m so sorry. Please forgive me, my son,” he whispered, letting the darkness take him once more.


	4. Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a day of mulling over what happened the night before, Merlin returns to Balinor and learns the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I meant for this to be posted sooner, but I also struggled with a bit of this chapter for some reason. I’m so sorry for the wait!
> 
> As usual this was beta’d by woodlandgoddess1!

How dare he?

Merlin was doing Balinor a favour, a very kind and a very dangerous favour mind you, by sneaking down into the tunnels to visit with him. He had _no_ right to snap at him like that. What’s worse, it seemed that this time it was the mention of his mother that set the man off! 

His mother was the kindest person Merlin knew. Whatever ‘crime’ Balinor seemed to think she had committed against him (that had to be the only reason, right?) surely paled in comparison to what Uther had done. 

What could she do to him in the first place? He was twice her size so there was no way she hurt him physically, and according to the book, the Ambrosius family hailed from Camelot. Why would someone from Camelot be in a peasant village in Essetir?

Merlin stopped in his tracks, his eyes widening in realization.

Why _would_ someone from Camelot be in Ealdor?

It didn’t make any sense. How did Balinor know his mother? He had to somehow, since it was her name that set him off. It wasn’t as if he was angry at some other woman named Hunith either; he knew Merlin was speaking about Hunith from Ealdor. 

His anger faded and was replaced with confusion. He almost wanted to turn back and ask Balinor more questions, but after the outburst he just witnessed he decided against it. He would ask Kilgharrah to guide him to the cell tomorrow night, after Balinor had hopefully calmed down.

He sneaked back to his room, mind full of questions. Most of them were about the mysterious Dragonlord in the tunnels and his relationship with his mother. How did he know her? Why was a man from Camelot, someone who apparently had a very high standing in the court mind you, in Ealdor in the first place? What had his mother done that was so offensive to this man?

Just who was Balinor?

He sighed and crawled into bed. That was something that he would have to figure out tomorrow. As he closed his eyes and began to drift off to sleep, he could have sworn he heard Kilgharrah’s soft chuckle echoing through his head.

\---

As it turned out the questions were a distraction the next day. He realized this when he narrowly dodged the goblet thrown at his head, managing to move at the last second. He frowned, turning to the source, who at least had the decently to appear a little bit guilty.

“It’s not my fault that you weren’t paying attention!” Arthur insisted. 

Merlin rolled his eyes. He had gotten to know Arthur better over the past week, and while he was still a massive prat, working for him wasn’t _that_ bad and he learned to tolerate it.

“Whatever you say, Sire,” he said, moving to pick up the goblet.

“You haven’t been paying attention to anything all morning, you know,” Arthur said as he went back to his lunch.

_’Why thank you, Arthur, I didn’t notice,’_ Merlin thought but held his tongue. 

“Some of us have lots of things on our minds,” he said instead. 

Arthur let out a laugh. “I have a hard time believing that you have _anything_ on your mind, Merlin,” he said.

“I know you never have anything on yours” Merlin mumbled, rolling his eyes again. 

“I heard that.”

“Maybe you were meant to.”

And thus began their usual staring contests, both of them far too stubborn to be the first to look away. Merlin knew this was childish, but he wasn’t about to lose.

Arthur was the first to look away, though he did so with a huff and a roll of his eyes, pretending that he got bored. 

“Whatever. Take these dishes away and you’re dismissed for the rest of the day. If you’re not going to pay attention, then I don’t need you messing up my things,” he said. 

Merlin was more than happy to accept that. He wanted to read the book on the dragonlords again to see if it could hold any clues as to why Balinor had been in Ealdor. 

“Thank you,” Merlin said, picking up and dishes and heading towards the kitchen. 

After this, he would go back to his room and look at the book. Not only did it have the Ambrosius family tree in it, but it also had a section on them. Maybe it would give him some more information, but if it didn’t then he would demand answers from Balinor tonight. Answers were the least he could give for such an outburst and insult against Merlin’s mother from the night before!

Still...his behaviour had been rather odd. Merlin had been replaying the scene in his head over and over, and he still couldn’t understand any of it. Balinor had stared at him with narrowed eyes as if he was searching for something. It happened right after he mentioned Ealdor.

But then Balinor seemed interested. He began to ask questions and even smiled. He praised Hunith for what she had done and for raising Merlin. Then...he heard her name and snapped. 

He sounded almost sad at first, but then he snapped when Merlin attempted to console him. That was too much.

Merlin frowned and furrowed his eyebrows. Maybe his memory was wrong, but come to think of it, didn’t it sound like Balinor was crying? It did sound like he let out a sob before he told him to study the book on the dragonlords. 

_’Study that book on the Dragonlords, Merlin. Please...it is so important. I know I have not been the best to you, but...please, I beg of you to read it and study every word’_

Oh, if that book held the answers Merlin sought, he would definitely study it. 

Then again, who’s to say that Balinor wasn’t just being selfish? The book was about his people after all. Merlin sighed. He would just have to wait and see.

But first...dishes. 

He sped up his pace, but as he rounded the corner he crashed into someone, sending the dishes crashing to the floor. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” he and his unfortunate victim said in unison. He sighed in relief when he recognized the other voice as Gwen’s.

“It’s okay, Gwen. It’s my fault for not looking. Are you alright?” he asked with a smile, getting on his knees to pick up the mess.

“Yes! I’m perfectly fine,” Gwen replied, joining him on the ground. “I hope you’re okay! Do you need any help carrying these? Morgana and I were just heading towards the kitchen and I’d be glad to help.”

A third person joined them on the ground, and a quick glance confirmed it was Morgana. Her eyes trailed over all the plates and she smirked. 

“I see Arthur is still eating like a pig,” she mused. 

Gwen gasped, but Merlin began to laugh.

“You’re not wrong,” he said, “and some company would be appreciated.”

Merlin happily walked between the two young women, listening to them talk about their day. He didn’t miss how some of the passing lords and ladies raised their eyebrows at the sight. He had quickly learned that most of the nobility shared Uther’s opinion on fraternizing with the servants, but Morgana was different. She was kind and cared about the people, always taking a moment to say hello to even the poorest of the poor and to help them if they needed it.   
He loved that about her. It was a refreshing change of pace from the usual nobles who pranced around as if they were better than everyone else. 

They soon reached the kitchens, and after Merlin dropped off the plates they said their goodbyes. He waited until the girls were out of sight before sprinting back to Gaius’ chambers, praying that the older man wasn’t in. He would definitely give him some kind of task to do if he was, and Merlin wanted to get right to the book. 

He opened the door slowly, cringing as it creaked. After a quick glance around the room, it was clear that Gaius wasn’t in. Merlin grinned and ran to his room, shutting and locking the door behind him. 

The book was still in his pack. He grabbed it and lay on his bed, flipping to the section on the Ambrosius family.

_The Ambrosius family is the oldest of the dragonlord families. They are almost as old as the dragons themselves as Aodhán Ambrosius was the first dragonlord. The first dragon that he brought into this world was named Kilgharrah._

Merlin’s eyes widened. He’d assumed that Kilgharrah was old, but not _that _old. Why, he was practically ancient! On top of that, it looked as if Balinor came from a very prestigious line of dragonlords, judging by this book. He might have to ask about that later, if he was able to get the answers that he sought from the man.__

__His eyes returned to the page as he continued reading._ _

___Kilgharrah is therefore often associated with the Ambrosius family and can be seen in their family crest. Despite the fact that the Great Dragon is of a golden hue, the Ambrosius crest consists of a silver dragon on a deep blue flag. Kilgharrah is also seen on the family’s signet rings, albeit less detailed than his banner counterpart._ _ _

__Merlin frowned as he felt a pang of familiarity when the rings were mentioned. He narrowed his eyes, trying to figure out why such a thing rang a bell._ _

__He exclaimed when he remembered seeing Balinor playing with something that looked like a ring on his finger, though he didn’t remember seeing the ring in detail. Still, that had to be the ring that the book spoke of._ _

__He was rather surprised that Uther let Balinor keep such an important family heirloom. Uther seemed like the type of man who would melt the rings down and sell off the metal just to spite the Ambrosius legacy. Then again, there could easily be a malicious reason as to why he did it._ _

__Uther was _definitely_ the type of man who would do that._ _

__Merlin shuddered and returned to his reading, immersing himself in the large tome._ _

__He didn’t realize how much time had passed until he heard Gaius coming into the main chamber. Merlin blinked and glanced at the window. The light was dimmer; the sun was setting._ _

__Sheepishly, he hid the book and went to greet Gaius. Gaius was putting things away when he entered the main chamber and the old man stopped what he was doing and looked up._ _

__“Merlin, you’re home!” Gaius said, surprised._ _

__“Yeah, Arthur gave me most of the day off. I came back to lie down for a bit, but it seems I slept all afternoon,” Merlin replied. It was only a partial lie. He didn’t have to feel guilty for it, right?_ _

__“Well if you’ve lazed about all day, then you can make our supper,” Gaius said._ _

__Merlin happily accepted that. Gaius had probably been running around all afternoon and he deserved a rest._ _

__As he began to work on a stew, he went over all the things he learned that day. None of them were answers to his big question, but it was interesting nonetheless. In fact, it actually made him _more_ curious. Balinor being in Ealdor made even less sense now that he knew that not only was he once a Lord of Camelot, but he was also from the highest ranking dragonlord family. _ _

__There was a part of him that wanted to ask Gaius if he knew the answer...but it didn’t feel right. It was probably for the best anyways, Gaius tended to shy away from topics about magic._ _

__He would just have to wait until tonight._ _

____

\---

The wait for Gaius to fall asleep was painful. Merlin wanted to go down to Balinor as soon as possible, but it felt like it took the physician years to go to bed in the first place. Merlin sat by his door, bag in hand. He almost cheered when he heard Gaius’ breathing slow and he began to snore.

Merlin sighed and sneaked out of the room. He knew the way to the tunnel’s entrance, but hopefully Kilgharrah would be able to assist when he finally got there. 

The halls were thankfully empty, save for the occasional guard or two. He slipped into spare rooms and hallways whenever they passed and continued on his way. 

One thing he remembered is that the tunnel was unguarded. He let out a sigh of relief when he finally reached it, and took a few steps in.

_’Welcome back, young warlock. Balinor has been waiting for you. I will take you to him,’_ Kilgharrah’s voice echoed in his head.

Merlin jumped and almost cried out in surprise, but he held his tongue and covered his mouth. 

Kilgharrah chuckled. ’Go straight to the furthest tunnel and turn to your right,’ he said.

Merlin listened, letting the dragon guide him through the winding tunnels and trying to memorize the way. As he moved deeper and deeper into the labyrinth of tunnels, the more nervous he became. 

Finally, he turned down the one that led to Balinor’s cell. He was very nervous now, especially since Balinor had been waiting for him. 

After a moment of tense silence, he took a deep breath, swallowed his fear, and began to walk. It wouldn’t be that bad, right? Balinor was waiting for him, so maybe he felt bad for his outburst yesterday and wanted to apologize or something.

As he got closer to the cell he could see that Balinor was standing up and gripping the bars. Merlin stopped in his tracks and stared at the man for a moment before Balinor spoke.

“Merlin, please,” he said, “I’m so sorry. I should have explained. I shouldn’t have snapped at you…”

Merlin frowned and stepped towards the bars with renewed confidence. “Let me speak. I have some questions, and I need answers for them,” he said.

“Of course. Ask me whatever you want,” Balinor said.

Merlin stared at him for a moment, observing the older man’s body language. He seemed to be calm enough right now. It would be safe to ask these questions.

“You snapped at me when I told you my mother’s name. She is a kind woman who would never hurt anyone. What did she do to you? More importantly, what was a man from Uther’s court and the most prestigious dragonlord family doing in a small village in Essetir?” he asked. “I read the book, trying to find answers but there weren’t any.”

Balinor’s eyes saddened, but he made no move to lash out. He lowered himself to the ground, gesturing for Merlin to join him.

“Oh, Merlin, I have a long story to tell you,” he said.

Merlin wasn’t sure what to think of this, but he sat down anyway. 

“When the Purge began, I took my mother, sister, and brother and fled Camelot. Others were not so lucky. We were feared just as much as the average sorcerer, if not more. We hid in the Perilous Lands. It wasn’t much of a life, but we were safe. I knew that my kin were dying out there, but I did not want to leave to fight. You may call me selfish, but the lives of my family were of the utmost importance.”

Merlin nodded. He could understand that reasoning. He would do anything to protect his mother.

“Every day I ventured out to acquire supplies, and every day the news was worse. People were being slaughtered whether they had magic or not. Yet despite this, I hoped for a day where Uther would see reason. As you know, I was once a member of his court. You could even say that we were friends. As the purge continued, my hope began to diminish...until I heard that Uther was looking for me specifically. He claimed that he saw the error of his ways and wanted me to bring the last dragon to Camelot so he could make peace with it.”

“I allowed myself to hope again. After all, this was what I wanted, wasn’t it? I ran home and told my family of the news. My sister never liked Uther and said I was a fool if I believed him. My mother and brother were on my side though, and so we set out for Camelot.”

“At first, everything seemed fine. Uther welcomed us with open arms. We were given lavish rooms to rest in, while Uther and I had a meeting to discuss everything. I thought he was remorseful, and agreed to call Kilgharrah to Camelot the next day. I believe you can guess how this ended.”

“Uther betrayed you,” Merlin said sadly. There was a part of him that agreed with Balinor’s sister --the tree said her name was Rosalind, right?--, but he held his tongue. He had little doubt that Balinor had told himself that over and over already and besides...he could somewhat understand where he was coming from.

“Yes,” Balinor said with a nod. “I called Kilgharrah to the cavern he is now imprisoned in. He only came because he could not ignore my call. I could see it in his eyes the moment he landed; I had made a mistake. I heard my family being clasped in cold iron behind me, but I couldn’t move. I was too shocked. I let them arrest me. I knew I deserved it. I only began to fight the moment I saw Uther. All traces of remorse were long gone and he wore a cruel and smug expression. We were dragged to the dungeons and locked up.”

Merlin found himself putting a reassuring hand on Balinor’s arm as the older man’s voice began to crack. “You don’t have to tell me this if you don’t want to,” he said.

“No, I have to. You deserve to know everything,” Balinor said. He took a deep breath, swallowed, then continued his story.

“My family was executed that evening. I can still hear their screams echoing through the dungeon, because my cell faced the courtyard. I swore that I would have my revenge, especially after Uther brought my mother’s signet ring to me. I’m sure you read about our signet rings in the book. I had my father’s since I am the Dragonlord, but since I was unmarried my mother kept hers. My ring was the only thing he didn’t take from me. He claimed it was a gift, so my parents could be there with me on my last night alive.”

Merlin shuddered. His suspicions were right, the ring on Balinor’s finger was a signet ring and Uther had let him keep it to taunt him. The other ring was probably hiding in the cavern.

“But as you can see, I am still alive. It was all thanks to Gaius. He came to me in the middle of the night and broke me out. He told me to run towards Essetir, that there was a village called Ealdor, and to seek out a woman named Hunith. She was his sister, and she would give me a place to stay,” Balinor continued.

There was a hint of a smile on his features as Merlin’s heartbeat began to speed up. That explained why Balinor was in Ealdor, but why did he…

Merlin nodded, trying to remain calm. He wanted Balinor to continue, but he was also afraid of what the man had to say. 

If Balinor sensed any distress, he didn’t show it. He only continued his story. “I arrived at Hunith’s door days later, exhausted and filthy from travelling. I was worried that she wouldn’t let me in and my journey had been for naught, but she welcomed me with open arms. I was so grateful for what she did.”

“As time went on, I found that I didn’t want to leave her...and when I told her, she said she felt the same about me,” Balinor said. This time he was clearly watching Merlin to gauge his reaction. 

Merlin tried to hide it, but to no avail. He was panicking, and he knew it showed. Balinor said his mother’s name with such fondness, and he said he didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want him to leave either...so he must have stayed. What did that mean for them? He had a very strong feeling about the answer, and he didn’t know how to feel about it.

“Are you okay, Merlin?” Balinor asked, concern evident on his features. 

“Yes. I’m fine,” Merlin replied. “Can you tell me the rest of the story?”

Balinor paused for a moment, but nodded before continuing. “We fell in love. I was used to the grandeur of Camelot and it’s castle, but despite how small and quaint it was, I felt safe in Ealdor. I felt safe with Hunith. We were married, and I gave her my mother’s ring since I didn’t have the money or resources to commission proper wedding rings.”

Tears were starting to fill Merlin’s eyes. They were married...oh gods. They were married, and... 

“One day, she went on a trip to the next village with a friend to get some herbs. I offered to escort them, but they declined. I wasn’t worried though - her friend’s husband was a Knight and he was with them. I knew she would be in good hands. I said my goodbyes and went to work. That afternoon...I don’t know how they found me. I don’t know why Uther would cross the border like that. It even started a war, and I hate knowing that it was my fault. I had nowhere to run, and they arrested me. I was heartbroken, but I was also so grateful that Hunith was not in town. If they saw me with her, then Uther would have had her killed too. Oh gods, if that had happened, I wouldn’t have been able to live this long. If that happened...I swear I didn’t know, Merlin. I didn’t know until you spoke of Ealdor. When you said that your father was dead and you live with your mother...the pieces fell into place.” Balinor said. His voice was cracking again and he was holding back sobs.

Merlin was trembling as he watched Balinor remove the ring from his finger. It was the answer, wasn’t it? Balinor held the ring out, and without thinking Merlin took it. It was dirty, but he could sense the enchantment around it that kept the metal strong and the engraving that he knew would be there sharp.

He ran his finger over the engraving of Kilgharrah. This was all so familiar to him. How had he not figured it out the moment he saw the Ambrosius crest?! The engraving wasn’t as detailed as the one in pictures, but now he could see it as clear as day. It wasn’t the first time he had seen this in a ring either. He closed his eyes, trying to regain his composure as the memory hit him.

_”Mother, why do you wear that ring around your neck?”_

_Hunith stopped cutting the carrots for their supper and put a hand around the ring that was sitting on the cord. Merlin tilted his head as he watched her._

_“It was a gift from your father, before he died. He gave it to me when he proposed,” she said, moving to rinse her hands off in a bucket before moving to join Merlin at the table. She took the necklace off and held it out for him to see._

_“It belonged to his mother, and it should go to your wife when you grow up and marry someday. It is very special to his family,” Hunith said, laughing as the seven year old made a face at the mention of getting married._

_Merlin held the ring close, inspecting it with curiosity. It was a pretty ring, made of a very nice metal and it had a dragon engraved into it. Merlin smiled as he traced the dragon with a little finger…_

He opened his eyes. He was eighteen now and no longer a child, but as he traced the dragon, it all came back to him. This was the same ring that his mother had. With a deep breath he finally looked up at Balinor. 

Balinor returned his stare, tears falling from his eyes.

“Please take this to your mother. Please...tell her that your father still lives.”


	5. Father?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin deals with this new revelation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter, but hopefully I can make it up to you guys with a longer one next time! Thank you so much again for your lovely comments!
> 
> Once again this was beta’d by woodlandgoddess1

Merlin stared at Balinor with both confusion and horror. He had envied the other children in the village who had both a mother and a father his whole life, but now that the reality that he could possibly have a mother and a father was here…

He couldn’t believe it. It was simply too good to be true. 

He shook his head and held out the ring. “No. I’m sorry, but you must be mistaken. My father is dead,” he said. “It was confirmed by my uncle…”

Oh, that was another issue. If Balinor was his father, then Balinor was very clearly not dead and that meant Gaius had lied. He definitely knew that Balinor was alive since that was confirmed by Uther’s conversation and by Balinor himself. 

Merlin really didn’t want to deal with that.

“He lied. I don’t know why, but he lied. Please, just take this ring to Hunith and she can confirm--” Balinor said.

“No,” Merlin interrupted, “I can’t. I can’t put her through that pain again. She’s been mourning for him my whole life. Please don’t make me do that.” 

Balinor froze for a moment before moving back, his expression sorrowful. “I understand. You are only thinking of her happiness,” he said. “I’m sorry for putting that pressure on you.”

Merlin forced a small smile and held the ring out again. He felt guilty for upsetting the man, but he seemed to be taking it better than expected at least.

Balinor looked at the ring and shook his head. “No, keep it. Even if you do not believe me, I want you to have it. I think it will serve you well one day. By giving you this ring, I acknowledge you as my heir. When the time of Albion comes, show it to Geoffrey. He will know what it means,” he said. 

Merlin didn’t really want to keep the ring. It belonged with an Ambrosius, it’s true owner. He was definitely not an Ambrosius. However, if it eased Balinor’s mind, then he would take the utmost care of it. 

“Okay. I’ll take good care of it,” he said, carefully placing it in his bag. The smile Balinor gave him in return only made him feel more guilty instead of calming him.

“Thank you,” Balinor said.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Merlin was painfully aware of Balinor’s eyes on him the whole time. He remained silent, mulling over everything he’d just heard - from Balinor’s story about the purge to his proclamation that he was Merlin’s long-lost father, somehow back from the dead.

The older man had to be imagining things, Merlin decided, and after the story he told, who could blame him for wanting a family? This was the loneliest existence he could think of; Balinor deserved his pity. The least he could do was to give him some company, and hey, maybe Balinor could teach him a few things about magic if he was still willing.

“Um...I have to go now. It’s getting late, and Arthur wants me to wake him up at the crack of dawn. I...I can come back tomorrow if that’s alright. Maybe you can tell me more stories, or teach me something about magic?” he finally asked.

Balinor’s sad eyes lit up and he smiled. “You are always welcome here, Merlin. It would be my honour to help you.” 

Merlin gave him a small smile in return. “Thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow then. Goodnight, Balinor.”

He didn’t miss Balinor’s flinch at the use of his name, but the man nodded nonetheless.

“Goodnight, Merlin.”

\---

Merlin thought he would be able to just go back to his room, put the ring on a cord, then go to sleep, but Kilgharrah had other plans.

 _”So you deny your birthright, Young Warlock?”_ his voice echoed.

Merlin sighed and made a detour for the dragon’s cave. So much for sleep, then.

Kilgharrah was waiting for him when he arrived, looking at him expectantly. 

“I can’t deny a birthright that I don’t have! He’s either mistaking me for someone else, or he’s made up the story in his own head!” Merlin snapped, feeling far less patient with the dragon.

“Balinor has seen the truth. That is why I instructed you to seek him out. He is as much your blood as you are his, and the reason why I am able to communicate with you. You are the heir to the Ambrosius legacy,” Kilgharrah replied, unperturbed by Merlin’s anger.

“No, he’s just imagining things! My father is dead, and I’ll keep the ring only because he asked me too and because I sympathize with him. I won’t play this game with you too!” Merlin said.

Kilgharrah narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth, but looked towards the tunnels instead. After a moment of silence, he turned his head back to Merlin and stood up, stretching his wings.

“Your father still lives, young warlock, even if you choose to deny it. He still watches over you despite your betrayal,” he said before he flew off.

Merlin sighed and watched the large dragon fly up into the darkness before he turned and headed back for Gaius’ chambers.

He would be lying if he said he didn’t like the idea of being an Ambrosius. It sounded like they were once a noble family. The thought of the shock that would cross Arthur’s smug face was very amusing. 

Still, just like how he wouldn’t lead his mother on with false hope, he wouldn’t do the same with Balinor. His mother said that Gaius came to visit her and told her himself that his father was dead, and she trusted him with the life of her son. He may not agree with Gaius sometimes, but he knew that he wouldn’t lie to his mourning sister’s face.

Would he?

The more he thought about it, the more unsettled he became. What if Balinor and Kilgharrah were right? What if he _was_ an Ambrosius? Gaius would be a liar and his mother would feel so betrayed...but she would be happy too, wouldn’t she? She would have her husband back. 

But everything else would change, wouldn’t it? 

He would be lying if he said he wasn’t at least a little bit interested in a world where he was the son of a noble. A life of luxury didn’t sound too bad. Would he have grown up to be a prat like Arthur, though? That would be terrible.

He chased the thoughts of the possibilities and the world that could never be from his mind. It would be easier to face the day if he pretended that this revelation never happened. 

He only hoped that this wouldn’t come back to haunt him


	6. Water pt 1.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mysterious plague has hit Camelot, and Merlin needs to find the source before it kills them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm still alive and this fic hasn't been abandoned! I'm sorry for the long wait, I've been busy with family issues and starting school(this is a very heavy program). There's still a bit to go with this plotline, but because the wait has been so long and because I have a good end point, I thought that I would post it now as part 1.
> 
> I had this story plotted out, but it seems to have taken a life of its own...so we'll have to see where it goes!
> 
> Thank you for your patience, and thank you for reading!

Over the next few weeks, Merlin was able to pretend that nothing had changed.

On his first visit with Balinor after the ‘incident’, he chose to forgo his neckerchief and left the ring in plain sight as a gesture of goodwill. Balinor noticed it and gave him a small smile and nod of acknowledgment, but that was it.

“I brought the book that Gaius gave me. I thought that we could go over some of the more basic spells together,” Merlin said.

Balinor nodded. “Of course. I’m afraid I can only help with the pronunciation of spells though. I wish that I could demonstrate for you, but I can’t use my magic. My link with Kilgharrah is the only thing that remains.” 

Merlin blinked and tilted his head. Before he had a chance to ask why Balinor held up his hands as an answer. 

“These shackles are made of iron. Such a thing blocks magic. I’m...sorry if this comes as a disappointment,” he said.

Merlin grimaced as he looked at the shackles. They had clearly done a number on Balinor’s wrists, rubbing the skin around them raw. That combined with the thought of being cut off from his magic...he couldn’t imagine such a thing. 

“It’s okay, I’m sure that would come in handy one day anyway,” Merlin replied. 

He hated how right he was two weeks later when a Knight named Valiant used magic to cheat during a tournament. 

He didn’t want to use magic in front of everyone, especially the King. Even though Balinor had been teaching him how to use his magic and how to control it, he also cautioned him against doing so. Uther had killed hundreds without remorse, including his own allies. He would not hesitate to kill someone who he thought was nothing but a serving boy.

He thought they had everything. They had cured Sir Ewan of the snake’s poison after he was bitten. He had sliced off a snake’s head as further proof. Arthur believed him.

But Ewan died, and Merlin _knew_ Valiant was behind it. Uther believed Valiant over Arthur and humiliated his own son in front of the court, despite the snakehead. 

Arthur blamed him of course because despite the trust they had started to build during their first month working together (and Merlin would admit, Arthur wasn’t _that_ bad once you got to know him. He was a pain in the ass, but he also genuinely cared for Camelot and its people which was more than you could say for Uther), his father’s opinion and his pride mattered more. 

Merlin found himself fired and sitting on the steps of the castle, trying to figure out how he could protect Arthur despite being sacked. A part of him considered going down to Balinor, but he still wasn’t completely sure of the way and he had recently gotten into a fight with Kilgharrah over the fact that he had been fired. The dragon was cryptic and useless as usual, rambling on about how ‘a half can’t hate the whole’ or something like that. He wasn’t entirely sure Kilgharrah would help him.

He looked up when someone sat beside him and smiled slightly when he saw it was Gwen. 

“Hello, Merlin,” she said. 

“Hi,” he replied.

“Is it true what you said about Valiant using magic?” Gwen asked, her eyes wide. Merlin nodded and she gasped. “What are you going to do?”

Merlin frowned. First Kilgharrah, and now a friend. “Why does everyone seem to think it’s down to me to do something about it?” he asked.

“Because it is! Isn't it?” Gwen said.

Merlin flinched slightly. Oh, if only she knew how true that supposedly was.

“You have to show everyone that you were right and they were wrong,” she continued.

Merlin sighed. While that was a lovely thought and he appreciated Gwen’s confidence in him, there was just one problem. “And how do I do that?” he said.

“I don’t know,” Gwen said, her determined expression fading and she furrowed her eyebrows, looking at her feet.

They sat in silence. Arthur was going to fight Valiant tomorrow, and at this rate, he was going to die because Uther refused to believe any of the evidence. 

Merlin looked around the courtyard, praying that something would give him inspiration. His prayers were answered a moment later when he spotted a dog statue, and an idea came to him. It was a difficult spell, but Balinor had patiently tutored him on the proper incantation and encouraged him until he managed to bring a small figure to life.

Oh, how could he forget about it? That spell had been the bane of his existence for two whole days. 

“I think I have it!” he cried, standing up. “Thank you, Gwen!” he said before running off.

Valiant was going down.

\---

Merlin sighed happily as he rounded the corner leading to Balinor’s cell. He was looking forward to telling the man about his victory today.

As usual, Balinor was waiting for him by the bars. Merlin sat down across from him and opened his bag, pulling out a few small rolls. 

“I stole these at the feast tonight. Your lessons really helped me out,” he said.

Balinor took the rolls and gestured for Merlin to continue, a hint of a smile on his face.

“There was a tournament going on this week. I was extremely busy, that’s why I didn’t come down to see you, I’m sorry,” Merlin began.

“No harm is done. I’m glad to see you now,” Balinor replied.

“Me too, and oh do I have a story for you. There was this Knight named Valiant in the tournament. Something seemed strange about him, but I couldn’t place it until I saw him feeding one of the snakes on his shield! They came alive and I saw one swallow a mouse whole! He used this against Sir Ewan, and I sliced off one of the heads so Gaius could make an antidote for the poison. I tried to solve this without using my magic because I know using it in front of so many people is a risk, but I had to.

“Uther refused to believe that Valiant was using magic, despite all of the evidence that something was going on and Arthur believing me. He refused to believe the word of a servant,” Merlin explained, frowning. 

“If only he knew…” Balinor mumbled. 

Merlin chose to ignore that comment. Balinor never spoke of the relation that he believed they had, but Merlin hadn’t missed the way that his eyes sometimes moved to Merlin’s neck where the signet ring lay, especially on the days that he didn’t wear his neckerchief. 

“Arthur sacked me, and Kilgharrah was no help when I went to yell at him. I thought about coming down to you, but I’m still not completely confident that I know the way and I wasn’t sure if he would help me. My friend, Gwen, helped me through. She sat with me and gave me some confidence. As I was looking around hoping for some kind of answer, I saw a dog statue and I remembered that damn spell,” he said.

“Bebay odothay arisan quickum,” Balinor said, the corner of his lips quirking into a smirk. “I never thought you would have to use it, especially so soon, but I’m glad that your hours of practice were useful.”

“It was! I managed to wake Valiant’s snakes up during the match, and Arthur killed him. I...feel like I’m supposed to have a bit of regret because he was killed for using magic but I don’t. He was using it to cheat and kill people,” Merlin said. 

“In the days before the purge, such an act could warrant execution too, just as if you were using a sword. You shouldn’t be upset over what happened. He deserved his fate,” Balinor said.

As much as he hated to admit it, Balinor’s words were comforting. They shouldn’t be pleased with the death of a man, but here they were. At least the man in question was a liar, a cheater, and a murderer. He really did deserve no sympathy for his fate.

The duo sat in an all too familiar silence for a few minutes before Balinor spoke.

“I suppose this is also a good lesson on why I was encouraging you to learn these kinds of spells. You may not have a use for them now, but it is good to know of them in case you do,” he explained. His lips quirked into a small smile as a thought came to him. “There are also spells that are made for entertaining. Would you like to learn some?”

Merlin grinned and nodded. After the past few days, he had? He could use some fun. 

“Yes, please!” he said, “Why don’t you teach me something that you like to do?”

Balinor’s happy expression dropped and turned into nervousness. Merlin frowned and was about to ask him what was wrong, but Balinor answered that for him.

“There is something, but I’m not sure if you will like it,” he said.

Merlin forced a smile, slightly worried about what Balinor wanted to teach him, but also willing to hear him out before he made any judgments.

“What is it?”

“I know you do not like to speak of it, but it’s something I used to do for Hunith. She loved it when I made butterflies for her.”

Merlin’s smile fell. It was true, he still wasn’t completely comfortable with the topic. He had started to entertain the idea that Balinor was telling the truth, but it was a difficult topic to think about. 

Then again, Balinor’s request was innocent despite his reasons and magical butterflies did sound pretty. Learning the spell definitely wouldn’t hurt. 

“Butterflies sound nice,” he finally said, a small smile returning to his face. 

“It is a relatively simple spell to learn, but it will require concentration. You must imagine the butterfly and devote your focus on the image. When you are ready, you must recite the spell. It is ‘Gewyrc an lif’. We can practice it together,” Balinor explained.

Merlin nodded and followed Balinor’s instructions, intending to use this as a practice run. Yet to both his and Balinor’s surprise, he opened his hands and a flurry of little blue butterflies flew out. 

After a moment of stunned silence, Balinor began to laugh, holding out a finger for a butterfly to land on. 

“Wonderful! I’ve never seen so many at once,” he said, “even with the knowledge that you are Emrys, I never cease to be amazed at what you can do.”

Merlin couldn’t help but give Balinor a large smile as he watched the butterflies flutter around. It felt nice to be praised. It was something he didn’t receive much of these days. 

They watched the butterflies flying around for a few more minutes before Merlin’s eyelids began to droop and he yawned. 

“It is getting late. Go to bed,” Balinor said with a small chuckle. “I will be here whenever you need me.”

“Are you sure? I can stay for a bit longer…”

“I’m sure. Besides, I have some new friends. I will not be lonely.”

Merlin glanced at the butterflies. Some of them were settled on the cave’s wall, while others were fluttering around happily. He nodded and began to pack his things.

“Alright. Thank you for the lesson. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“Don’t tire yourself out. You work so hard already, and you deserve a rest once and awhile.”

“I will don’t worry,” Merlin said, smiling and waving before he turned and left.

He didn’t see Balinor look away sadly as the butterflies fell to the ground, losing their glow and turning to dust.

\---

_One Month Later_

Arthur’s room was a disaster.

It wasn’t his fault, oh no. That honor belonged to the royal prat himself. If he didn’t know any better, he would have thought Arthur was doing this out of spite. 

If you asked him a few months ago if he thought that Arthur was doing this out of spite, he would say yes in a heartbeat. Now he would happily argue that while Arthur was indeed a royal prat, he was a good man. A few months ago he would have never thought that he would be the Once and Future King, but now it was starting to look like it was possible. 

Truthfully? He considered Arthur a friend.

Merlin sighed as he looked at the clothes and armor thrown all over the floor. Arthur was a good man and a friend, but he was also frustrating, arrogant, and half the time his room was worse than a pigpen.

Well, the room wasn’t going to clean itself, was it?

He began to pick everything up so he could make a large pile. It looked somewhat counterproductive but he found that it was easier to make the pile then sort through it. He could take multiple items at once that way. 

He had just finished his pile when Arthur entered the room with a deep frown. 

“What’s wrong? Did Morgana beat you in a fight?” Merlin said with a grin, trying to lighten the Prince’s mood. More often than not such a small thing was the cause of a bad mood in the first place.

“You’re dismissed for the day. Gaius has need of your assistance,” Arthur said, the frown not leaving his lips.

Merlin’s grin quickly disappeared. Okay, so Arthur wasn’t happy because something serious happened. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, unable to keep himself from being nosey.

“I’m not sure. I just know that Gaius needs your help with something,” he said, sitting at his desk.

Merlin bit his lip, but nodded and hurried out of the room and ran down the halls. He hoped that nothing had happened to Gaius. Arthur would have told him if something had happened to Gaius, right? 

Merlin decided that he would have and therefore Gaius was fine, he just needed his help with something. 

Gaius was waiting for him when he arrived, medicine bag by his side.

“Merlin! There you are. There has been a suspicious death in the lower town. I need your help with my investigation,” he said, starting to walk away. 

Merlin hurried after him, eyes wide. A suspicious death in the lower town? This must be very serious if they were asking Gaius to investigate it. 

“What happened?” he asked. Arthur didn’t have the answer, but perhaps Gaius did.

“A body was found in a peculiar state. That is all I know. We are to investigate and report our findings to Uther,” Gaius explained.

While that offered more information than what Arthur gave him, this whole thing was a mystery. It wasn’t often that Gaius needed him to assist with such a thing...so this had to be serious. 

He quietly followed Gaius through the courtyard and then the streets. People happily greeted them, unaware of what had supposedly happened. Gaius would smile and return their greeting before they continued on their way, finally stopping at an empty street that was blocked off by guards. 

The guards stepped aside and let them pass. Merlin cringed slightly when he saw the body laying on the ground. 

Gaius wasn’t phased at all and only handed Merlin his medicine bag before crouching down beside the body and starting his examination.

“Aren’t you scared?” Merlin asked. He was no physician, but even he could tell that this person had died from some kind of plague. His hands were deathly pale.

“Of what?” Gaius asked, poking and prodding at the body.

“That you might catch whatever it is.”

Gaius looked up at Merlin with a solemn expression. “I’m the court physician. This is part of my job. Most of the time there's nothing really to be scared of.”

Merlin nodded. That did make sense. Gaius had probably seen way worse.

He was proven wrong when Gaius turned the body over and even the older man jumped back. Just as Merlin suspected the man’s skin was deathly white and nearly transparent to boot. Veins could be seen, standing out against the paleness of his skin. His eyes were in a similar state. The pupils and iris’ had turned into a pale whitish-blue.

“You were saying?” he asked, unable to resist getting the final word in.

Gaius frowned and hailed one of the guards. “We need a sheet and a cart. People mustn't see this. They will panic.”

The guard cast a nervous glance at the body before nodding and hurrying off.

“What do you think happened to him?” Merlin asked.

“I can’t be certain until I conduct a more thorough investigation. Until then...we must hope that this is merely a one-time occurrence,” Gaius explained. 

Merlin mirrored Gaius’ frown and looked at the body. 

For the sake of Camelot, he hoped so too.

\---

Having to pick up a possibly plague-infested body to place it on the cart was probably the worst part of Merlin’s day. Dragging the aforementioned cart through a busy city without arousing any suspicion was a very close second.

It didn’t help that people were very nosey. Many people stopped to stare, clearly curious about the cart. They were almost across the drawbridge that led into the castle grounds when he heard a familiar voice and his stomach dropped.

“What are you doing?” Gwen asked curiously.

Merlin and Gaius stopped, and Merlin stepped between Gwen and the cart. If this body did have a disease of some sort, he didn’t want to risk one of his friends catching it. He forced a smile.

“Er...just moving something,” he said.

“Looks heavy,” Gwen replied, trying to look over Merlin’s shoulder. 

He shifted his stance to keep her from seeing the body. “It’s nothing really,” he said, eyeing her flowers. Perfect! A distraction. “Did someone get you flowers?”

“Oh! No,” Gwen said with a giggle. She looked through the flowers and pulled one out. “Would you like one? A purple one. Purple suits you.”

Merlin smiled as she placed the purple flower in his scarf. 

Gwen’s eyes widened as she realized that she had committed what she thought was a faux pas. “Not that I’m saying red doesn’t suit you!” she said.

“It’s fine, Gwen. I understand. Thank you for the flower,” Merlin said with a grin. He jumped at the sound of Gaius clearing his throat behind him.

“I...er...I should get back to this. I’ll see you,” he said, turning back to the cart.

“Bye!” Gwen said, walking past them towards the castle.

Merlin watched her go with a sigh of relief. The further his friends were from this body, the better. He returned to his place beside Gaius and grabbed the handle of the cart, resuming their task of transporting the body.

\---

If he were to be honest, watching Gaius examine a body wasn’t the most interesting thing in the world. This was probably due to the fact that he had no idea what Gaius was doing in the first place.

“I’ve never seen anything like this before,” Gaius finally said, breaking the tense, uneasy silence. 

“Do you think it could be some kind of plague?” Merlin asked. 

“No. I fear that something like this could never come from nature. But who has this kind of power?”

Merlin’s heart sank. Of course, Gaius would blame magic for this. Then again...there wasn’t really any other choice, was there? 

“You think it’s caused by magic?” he said, though it was more a statement than a question. 

Before Gaius had a chance to answer, there was banging at the door. Merlin frowned and went to answer it.

Arthur stood there, arms folded. He seemed to be on edge. “Tell Gaius that my father wants to see him immediately,” he said. His eyes trailed to the flower in Merlin’s neckerchief, and the tension left his shoulders for a short moment as he looked up again with a raised brow.

“Oh, Gwen gave it to me,” Merlin said. 

Arthur ‘ahhed’ and nodded before the tension returned. “Hurry up then. My father will be waiting in the throne room,” he said, turning away before Merlin had a chance to say anything in response.

“Gaius…” Merlin began, turning around and closing the door. Gaius was in the process of covering up the body. 

“I heard.”

“Wait, why couldn't he just tell you himself?”

“Because that's the way it is. You're a servant,” Gaius said finishing up his task and heading towards the door.

“If he knew who I was, what I've done…” Merlin mumbled. He held back the sudden urge to grab at the ring that lay hidden under his neckerchief as Balinor’s words echoed through his head.

_’If only he knew…’_

The thought of their supposed relation had only crossed his mind once or twice over the past month, and he was warming up to the idea that he could have a long lost father but he wasn’t ready to accept it.

Gaius’ voice snapped him out of his thoughts. “Then you would be a dead servant. Now, come on,” he said

Merlin wanted to make a snide comment about how he wasn’t his servant, but he bit his tongue and merely followed his mentor instead.

\---

Merlin easily figured out why Uther needed them in the throne room the moment they entered and he saw the body lying on the ground. This one had clearly died of the same illness, meaning that the chances of this being some kind of plague heightened.

Just like before Gaius went right to work, seemingly unphased by the gruesome sight before him. Everyone else stood back, too scared to go near the body.

“What's happened to him?” Uther finally said, breaking the tense silence.

“I don't know, Sire. It's the second case I've seen today,” Gaius replied.

“Why didn't you report it to me?”

“I was attempting to find the cause.”

“What did you conclude?”

“I don't think it's time to hurry to conclusions. The scientific process is a long one.”

Merlin inwardly cringed as Gaius and Uther’s conversation continued. He could guess what all of this was going to lead too, but it still bothered him when it finally came.

“I think you should say that the cause, the most likely cause, is sorcery,” Gaius said.

Of course. Despite all he said about science and finding the cause even he was pointing fingers at sorcery. Even though Merlin knew he was probably right in this case, he couldn’t help but feel disappointed. 

He didn’t miss how Uther paled and pulled Arthur off to the side. It was highly likely was going to be sent on a witch hunt, and Merlin would have to be by his side, trying to find the true culprit before any innocent bystander was killed. 

Wonderful.

He looked up when Arthur approached him. They hadn’t even started and Arthur already looked tired and stressed...this was not a good sign. 

“Merlin, I have been ordered to find the culprit. Until then, you are relieved of your duties as my manservant and you will remain Gaius’ assistant,” Arthur said.

Oh no no no, this wasn’t good. Merlin needed to be by his side to help, and besides, what if Arthur actually found the person responsible for this? He wouldn’t be able to defend himself! He needed Merlin’s magic, even if no one but him knew it.

“But…” he began.

“No buts. The faster we figure out the cause and stop it spreading, the better. Gaius needs all the help he can get,” Arthur replied, cutting him off.

Merlin frowned, but he did give Arthur a nod and a bow before returning to Gaius’ side.

Gaius was finishing up with his examination. He glanced at Merlin when he came closer.

“We need to bring this body back to my chambers. I wish to examine it further,” he said.

Merlin nodded and ran off to get the wheelbarrow again. The faster they figured this out, the faster things could return to normal.

\---

After they moved the body to Gaius’ chambers, they had a quick walk through the lower town to assess the situation. The plague had indeed spread, and it was spreading fast.

Merlin had spotted someone who was still alive, but the mere mention of using magic to help earned him a lecture.

Now he was sitting and watching Gaius use his precious science in a slow attempt to find the cause of this plague.

“What are you doing?” Merlin asked. 

“I'm examining the contents of that man's stomach,” Gaius replied, not looking away from his task. 

“Will that tell you who did it?”

“No, but it might tell us how it's spread. One thing I do know, this is magic of the darkest kind.”

“Why would someone use magic like that?” Merlin asked, his heart sinking at the thought.

“Magic corrupts. People use it for their own ends,” Gaius said far too casually.

Merlin narrowed his eyes and frowned. “Not all magic is bad. I know it isn't,” he argued.

“It's neither good nor bad. It's how you use it,” Gaius quickly replied.

Merlin opened his mouth to make a comment about Gaius’ terrible attempt at backpedaling, but he was interrupted by Arthur and the guards bursting through the door and Arthur shouting orders.

“Sorry Gaius, we're searching every room in town for the sorcerer,” Arthur said.

“But why would he be here?” Gaius said.

Merlin paled and backed away as guards rushed past him, praying that no one would notice his fear. He tried to remain calm, watching the guards and Arthur closely as they searched the room.

His fear only grew when Arthur appeached his little room and pointed to it.

“What's this room up here?” he asked.

“Err...it’s mine,” Merlin managed to say. He hoped his voice didn’t crack.

“And what do you expect to find in there?” Gaius said.

“I'm looking for material or evidence suggesting the use of enchantments,” Arthur said as he entered the room. 

“What have you done with the magic book I gave you?” Gaius whispered.

Merlin didn’t think it was possible to get more nervous, but he was wrong. He knew exactly where that book and the book on the dragonlords was.

They were right out in the open beside his bed. 

“Merlin, come here. Look what I found,” Arthur said from inside the room.

Merlin took a deep breath. Numerous ways of how he could escape ran through his head as he made his way up the stairs, trying not to look suspicious. Maybe he could distract Arthur and run? No...there were guards outside. He wouldn’t make it out of Gaius’ chambers. Maybe he could let himself be taken to the dungeon, then escape it. Gaius had helped Balinor escape, so why wouldn’t he help Merlin out? Or...didn’t Balinor mention something about a transportation spell once? If only he could remember the words…

He entered his room to find Arthur standing by his cupboard, doors wide open. The books were sitting on the floor at the foot of Merlin’s bed, and his eyes darted between them and the distracted Prince.

“I found a place where you can put things. It's called a cupboard,” Arthur said sarcastically. 

Merlin let out a hollow laugh of relief. 

“I don’t have time to clean my room between chores for you and chores for Gaius,” he said.

He took his chance to hide the books when Arthur stuck his head in the cupboard, giving his usual lecture on how most people would be honored to work for the Prince of Camelot. With a quick flash of gold, his blanket fell over the books and concealed them.

He stood back and watched as Arthur searched the rest of the room, holding his breath when Arthur looked under the bed. It was rare that he was thankful for how unobservant Arthur could be, and this was definitely one of those times. Arthur completely missed the books.

Arthur sighed and left the small room, not giving Merlin a second glance. “How long do you think it may be before you find a cure?” he asked.

“It depends on how many interruptions I get,” Gaius replied.

Merlin held back a laugh as Arthur’s stern expression turned to embarrassment.

“Of course, I'm sorry,” he said, heading towards the door of the chambers. He gestured for the guards to follow him. “We're finished here.”

Gaius followed them to the door and closed it. 

“We have to hide that book,” he said once they were gone.

“No. We must use it.” Merlin said.

“Don't be stupid. You want to practice magic when the King is hunting for sorcerers? Are you mad? Merlin, your life is destined for more important things.”

“But if I don't practice, then how will I get to be this great warlock?!”

“There will come a time when your skills will be recognized.”

“When?! How long do I have to wait?”

“Patience is a virtue, Merlin.”

Merlin narrowed his eyes as Gaius went back to work. Patience may be a virtue, but people were dying right now and that book probably had an answer.

“Sitting by and doing nothing, that's a virtue?” he snapped.

“Your time will come,” Gaius replied, completely unphased. 

“I could cure that man we saw,” Merlin said, starting to pace. 

“I know it's tempting to use the way you find easiest,” Gaius began.

Merlin clenched his fists. They were talking about saving lives, and Gaius was scolding him as if he was a silly child!

“It is when it would save a life,” he said.

“It's no good just saving one person. We have to discover how this illness is spreading.”

As much as he hated to admit it, Gaius did have a point. Then again, couldn’t he claim that he found a cure that would help them until they found the cause? Surely Uther would believe anything he said. 

“Arthur is out there right now looking for the sorcerer!” he said.

“A sorcerer who's powerful enough to do this will never be found searching the town,” Gaius said.

Merlin sighed. If Arthur wouldn’t be able to find the sorcerer responsible for this, then what hope did he have?

“So what can we do?”

“Hope that science can find the answer before it kills us all,” Gaius said, turning back to his work.

\---

Merlin lay awake that night, staring at the ceiling. He was considering going down to Balinor and asking for his advice, but he could hear that Gaius was still awake downstairs.

Was Balinor even alive still? What if he was going to go down and find a corpse that had been taken by this plague? 

He hoped not.

He found himself growing sadder and sadder at the thought of such a thing. Not even Uther deserved such a lonely death. Balinor deserved his freedom and to grow old before he passed on, hopefully with people who cared about him by his side. 

With a sad sigh he flopped onto his side and closed his eyes. It sounded like Gaius was going to be awake for a while. The best thing he could do right now was to try and sleep, then he would have a clear head in the morning to solve...whatever this plague was.

He only hoped that he could figure it out in time.

\---

Merlin grumbled as he pumped water into the bucket. Gaius suspected that there was something wrong with their water supply, and after a few condescending words about his intelligence, he was sent off to get some.

While he was glad that Gaius was onto something, he wasn’t pleased with how the older man decided to tell him. He asked vague questions, then made snide comments because Merlin couldn’t read his mind.

At least there was a chance that they had an answer.

Once the bucket was filled up, he went to reach for it but something caught his eye.

Gwen ran past him, looking white as a ghost and terrified. 

Merlin’s blood ran cold. Had she contracted the disease? No...she couldn’t have because she was able to run. Everyone else who had it was either dead or clearly dying.

“Gwen? Gwen!” he called, grabbing the bucket and running after her.

As expected she went right for Gaius’ chambers and started shouting. Merlin followed her, concern evident on his features. 

“My father! Please, Gaius, he's all I have,” Gwen was saying.

Merlin gasped. He didn’t know Tom very well, but they had met a few times and he found the blacksmith to be a very kind and friendly man. He had nothing but sympathy for Gwen...he couldn’t bear it if his mother was ill either.

“Gwen, I have no cure,” Gaius said sadly.

“I am begging you!”

“I wish there was something, anything, but so far the remedy is beyond what I can achieve.”

Merlin frowned as Gaius took Gwen’s hand. There was a remedy, and a plan was already forming in Merlin’s head.

“I'm sorry, Gwen,” Gaius said.

Gwen looked down at Gaius’ hand for a moment, eyes filling with tears. She let go of it, turning and running out of the room, not giving Merlin a second glance and slammed the door.

Gaius sighed and returned to his work, looking up when Merlin approached him and put the now half-filled bucket down.

“There must be something we can do,” Merlin said. 

Gaius sighed again and shook his head, filling a jar with some water and carefully placing a flower in it. “My best. Let's hope that this can provide some answers.”

“But that'll be too late for Gwen's father!” Merlin said. It took every ounce of self-control to not shout and scream. It wouldn’t do him any good. Gaius was stuck in his ways, and nothing would change his mind.

“I fear you may be right,” Gaius replied, placing the jar on the table.

Merlin huffed and ran to his room. If Gaius wasn’t going to do anything, then he would.

\---

He knew exactly where to find a spell and recipe for a proper healing poultice, and this one would be special. As he had discovered, the book on dragonlords had been a journal of sorts as well as a reference for those unfamiliar with them. One of the families had studied the healing arts, and a few of their remedies were recorded.

Balinor had spoken fondly about Diggory and Elizabeth Monogomery. His father and Diggory had been close friends, and in a way, they had become a second set of parents for the Ambrosius children. When Aldred died, Diggory had been the one who took Balinor under his wing and guided him as he came into his powers.

 _”If you ever need a spell for healing, refer to the book first. Diggory and Elizabeth were masters of their art...dare I say it, even better than Gaius,”_ Balinor had said at the end of his stories.

So consult the book he did, and sure enough one of the first pages had everything he needed to know. He quietly thanked the late Monogomery’s, and went to work.

\---

Once Gaius was asleep that night, Merlin made his move. Pack in hand, he sneaked out of the room and down the halls.

As he passed the dark hallway that he knew led to Balinor’s cell, he hesitated. Surely it wouldn’t hurt to make a quick detour...he hadn’t had a chance to check on the older man after all. He had made a few poultices just in case, so if Balinor was sick then he was ready. 

Merlin made his way down the long hallway and into the winding tunnels, lighting the way with his own magical ball of light. He sighed in relief when he rounded the corner and he saw movement at the bars. Balinor was definitely standing and waiting for him.

“Hello, Merlin,” he said.

“Balinor, how are you feeling?” Merlin asked, hurrying over to him. 

“I’m fine...much better now that you’re here,” Balinor replied, giving Merlin a warm smile. “What can I help you with today?”

Merlin gestured for Balinor to sit down. Once they were sitting, Merlin took a deep breath.

“There’s a plague going through Camelot right now, and it’s killing lots of people and fast. Gaius thinks it’s something in the water, but we still don’t know the cause. We can’t just stop drinking water! Gaius also thinks that sorcery is behind it, so now Uther is on the hunt for the sorcerer responsible, and Gaius won’t let me use magic to heal anyone! I’m expected to watch people die and do nothing, even though I can save them...but I can’t do that. My friend...her father has it. He’s all she has left. I made some poultices...” he explained. He watched as Balinor’s warm smile fell and morphed into concern, and soon a frown.

“You plan to heal him. While that is noble and I know your heart is in the right place you shouldn’t,” Balinor said.

Merlin stared. That was an unexpected betrayal and it stung. Balinor was supposed to be the one who _encouraged_ magic, not the other way around. He narrowed his eyes as his shock turned to anger.

“Why not? Aren’t you the one who always says that I need to use magic and that I shouldn’t fear it?” he snapped.

“I do, and I truly believe that-“ Balinor tried to say.

“Then why are you turning against me now?” 

Those words caused Balinor to flinch ever so slightly, and for a moment Merlin felt guilty. But then he remembered what Balinor was telling him to do and his guilt quickly disappeared.

“I’m trying to protect you and your friend,” Balinor said. 

“By killing her father? She doesn’t have any other family. She’d be all alone!” 

“Do you plan to heal everyone?”

Merlin paused. He _wanted_ to heal everyone, it was just a matter of if he could...which was something he wasn’t quite sure of, not that he hadn’t planned it in the first place.

“I will take your silence as my answer. I know Uther well, and he won’t be happy that someone has suddenly gotten better. He will need someone to blame, and who better than your friend or her father? They would be looked upon with suspicion,” Balinor said, breaking the silence.

“What am I supposed to do then? I can’t just let him die…” Merlin asked.

“Find the source of this plague and eradicate it. Avenge him and be by your friend's side as she grieves. I’m sorry, I wish there was another way…”

Merlin sat in silence, contemplating Balinor’s words. While he could understand what he was trying to say...he was angry. Angry that the one person he felt that he could trust to guide him was now turning against him...but sad because he understood and knew what he would have to do.

Tom was a wonderful man, but if Merlin really had to choose between him and Gwen...then he knew who he would choose.

That’s what Tom would want him to do, right? He would want his daughter to live.

“There really isn’t any other way?” he asked softly in one last attempt to grasp at the hope that wasn’t there. 

“Unless you plan to heal the town, no. I’m sorry, I know this is a hard thing to hear…” Balinor said, stopping when Merlin stood up.

“Okay. I’m...going back to my room. I have to figure this out,” he said, grabbing his bag and turning to leave. He glanced back at Balinor one last time.

“I’m glad you’re doing well. I’ll come back to tell you if I found anything new,” he said.

“Until next time, then. Good luck, S—Merlin,” Balinor replied, his expression saddening at the thought of being all alone again. 

“Until next time,” Merlin said with a nod, hurting off.

He had to find the cause of this plague...and he was going to make whoever was responsible pay.


End file.
